My life has been in a constant state of surrender. It comes and goes, but the process is always there. More often than not, I find myself asking why I hold onto the things of my life and this trivial world so hard and refuse to let go. Call it what you will, but I believe my issue lies within the fact that I’m a control freak. If I don’t have control of something, I fear that I just may lose my ever loving mind.
I go crazy when things don’t go according to plan, surprises intimidate me (although I do like them on occasion), and I hate being sick. You can’t control anything when you’re under the weather.
Anyone else feel the same way? I’m sure you do. We all do.
Scripture is full of references to surrender. God has a will for His kingdom. He knows everything about each one of us. He knows the number of hairs on all of our heads and not a single one falls without his approval. He is not surprised (personally, I think He’s rather amused by our feeble attempts to unknowingly catch Him off guard—think of being a parent with a toddler). He knows every detail about each day of my life before it has even happened. He knew exactly when I would choose to follow Him and He knows the intricate details of my life in all of my tomorrows.
In choosing to follow Christ, my job is to seek Him and in doing so, conform my life to His so that I can become more and more like Him. It means that I need to learn how to love others in spite of myself and primarily, love God with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength. In other words, love Him with all that I am. This process is not instantaneous. It takes time and it is not without error or fault on my part. But, God is faithful to complete it. That is His promise. Hallelujah!
I recall believing in God at the young age of 4 and the majority of my childhood, adolescence and teen years were full of searching, surrender and more searching. It wasn’t until college, at the age of 18, that I decided that life without God wasn’t worth it and chose to follow Him instead. At the time, I wasn’t okay with not knowing what my future held, but I trusted Him enough to go along for the ride.
I’ve since learned that I have NO control over my life. He does. Only He. Surrender means to submit my will to the will of God. To conform my life to His. To love when I don’t feel like loving. To be kind, gentle and patient when I’m at my wits end, cranky and have little or no idea what is going on. In other words, to surrender means to set aside self and make choices consistent with what the Bible says Jesus would do.
I’m not perfect, nor are my life or my actions anywhere near where they should be. But I have faith that He who began a great work in me will see it through to the day I leave this world behind.